Your Husband’s Biggest Fan
| Overview | The goal of our marriage is to help each other get to heaven. An important aspect of this is to be one another’s biggest fan! |
As a preacher, I often ask my wife on the way home, “What did you think of my lesson?” My wife takes good notes on my sermons. Sometimes she has a lot to say about the lesson, and sometimes, she does not say much. But I am always interested in her feedback because I know she will tell it to me “like it is.” She is not blunt so that her words hurt, but she will give helpful criticism if she thinks I need it.
A man’s biggest fan needs to be his wife. Paul wrote the Christians in Rome: “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another” (Romans 14:19). Those words are as relevant in the marriage relationship as they are in the church context. Words of encouragement, especially from the wife, inspire the husband to achieve more and to improve his skills. Your words of helpful critique can also help him be better at his fathering, his work, his service in the church, and his role as a husband.
Wives, do not compare your husband against other men, not physically, intellectually, spiritually, or otherwise; that can do dramatic damage to his self-esteem and to your relationship. Besides, it is not fair. His strength might be in auto-mechanics and not public speaking. If he is not comfortable in public speaking, he might not lead in worship in public. That is not to say that he can never do it, but be careful that you do not ignore his strength (auto-mechanics) while you are encouraging him in his area of weakness (public speaking).
Criticism causes us, as humans, to become defensive. If we are defensive, we do not have the motivation to improve. But through words of encouragement, we feel energized and motivated to do more and to improve. The word translated “edify” in Romans 14:19 is used 18 times in the New Testament and has as its root word “house.” It means to “build up.” The verb is found 40 times in the New Testament. It is clearly important to God that we build each other up and, again, that “building up” starts in the home.
With every other article we have written in this series, being your husband’s biggest fan comes back to the subject of communication. Ask your husband where he would like encouragement. Obviously, if he asks (as in my case with my sermons), then that is one area he needs helpful and positive feedback. Ask him if there are ways that you have given inappropriate or negative feedback so that you can make corrections.
Encouragement is certainly a two-way street. Let him know in what areas and through what avenues you need encouragement as well. A husband-wife relationship that is healthy is going to be a “mutual admiration society!” He appreciates her strengths and lets her know. She appreciates his strengths and lets him know.
Do not be afraid to form new, good habits. We can change how we think about matters. We can change how we behave in different contexts. Then, once we have changed how we think and how we behave, we will also have changed how we feel about one another. Do not think that you are “set in your ways.” That is a cop-out to avoid changing yourself. If we truly love our spouse, then we will do what we need to do to help him/her live more like Christ.
The goal of our marriage is to help each other get to heaven. An important aspect of that effort is to be one another’s biggest fan!
Copyright © 2020 by www.ebglobal.org. Originally published in Christian Family 3[1]:7.